5 Things You Learn Your First Year of Marriage

Hello Newlywed Moments readers! Isn’t Emily just fantastical? Love her! Anyway, my name is Jana and I blog over at Life Could Be A Dream!  Like many of you, I’m a young wife, and now a I’m a mom too! But we aren’t gonna talk about mommyhood today. Today we are going to talk about marriage. Everyone’s fave topic right?

Dustin and I have been married for a year and a half now. We have definitely learned a lot about ourselves and each other along the way. So I want to share with you 5 things I’ve learned about being a wife during our first year of marriage.

Ready? Okay! (Yes, I used be a cheerleader.)

1. My husband is not a mind reader. It is not okay for me to expect him to read my mind. Honestly, I think most of the disagreements we have stem from this one fault of mine. I expect Dustin to know what I’m thinking or what I want, and I get dissapointed when he doesn’t! How lame is that? Then I’m all huffy and I snap at him and he’s like, “What the heck did I do?” I recently started implementing this novel idea where I tell him what I need or what I would like. And guess what? Life is so much better because of it! I’m happy to find out that he is happy to do what I ask him, because he loves me. All I have to do is let him know! Crazy, right?

2. Sometimes you have to do what your spouse wants. Marriage is about selflessness right? Sometimes you need to do an activity that your spouse would like to do. Case in point: Dustin really wanted to watch one of his favorite movies with me that I had never seen. I thought it looked kind of dumb and not at all like a movie I would enjoy, so I complained about it and said no every time he asked me to watch it with him. By the time I finally decided I should stop being a loserly wife and watch it with him because I love him, it was no longer on Netflix. So I lost out on an opportunity to let my husband know I value him and honor things he would like to do because I was being a butt. So don’t be a butt and go along with your spouse’s activity of choice every once in awhile.

3. Your spouse’s love language may not be the same as yours. In case you aren’t familiar with this concept, there is a book written by marriage expert Dr. Gary Chapman. He posits that there are 5 love languages:
-words of affirmation
-acts of service
-receiving gifts
-quality time
-physical touch

I highly recommend googling the 5 love languages and taking the quiz with your spouse. But I digress.

Dustin’s primary love language is physical touch. He needs me to give him hugs, hold his hand, and just be close to him to feel that I love him. I’m mostly about acts of service. I feel loved when Dustin is working with me, helping me out around the house or taking care of our little one. Sometimes I try to force my love language on him. I do his laundry, make him dinner, pack his lunch for school, and keep a clean house for him, so his needs are being completely met right? Wrong. I often get so caught up in doing those things for him, that I forget that I need to stop sweeping the floor for just a second to give him a hug and a kiss. Then he will feel loved. Then he will help me with the dishes. ;)

4. Don’t compare yourself to other couples! Oh how often I have done this! The fastest way to make yourself feel dissatisfied with your position in life is to compare yourself to others. Comparisons are stupid and unfair. Like the time I got jealous of a friend of mine because she and her husband bought a new car and just put a downpayment on a nice house. I wondered, “Why can’t we live in nice house instead of a basement apartment?” Looking back on that comparison I realize it was totally illogical. This friend of mine is 6 years older than me and has been married for 3 years. Her husband has been out of school and in the workforce for years. Of course they can buy a house and we can’t! We’re still students for crying out loud. I learned pretty quickly that I need to focus on the little accomplishments in our own lives instead of wishing for something that another married couple has.

5. Date, date, date! This one is so obvious. I know ya’ll are totally amazing at continuing to date your spouse, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway. I think the biggest reason continuing to go on dates with Dustin is important for me is because, let’s face it, sometimes life gets boring. We settle into routines. It’s human nature. Between the coming and going to work and to school, keeping up the house, paying bills, lather, rinse, and repeat, we need to shake things up a little!
For us, that is where dating comes in. Rarely do we ever do anything extravagant. Sometimes it’s as simple as making cookies and snuggling up to watch a movie. Or going on a long walk and just talking. Whatever it is, we need that time to reconnect and take a break from the monotony of adulthood.

Thanks so much for reading guys! :)