Cell Phones vs. Husbands

flashback: chatting with Hud in high school

I smile as I remember the sweet stories my parents have told me about their dating years. My dad was in the merchant marine academy and he would frequently go out to sea, so they rarely got to see each other. Thousands of miles apart, they sent handwritten letters to each other on a weekly basis.

Just a generation later, we have hundreds of ways to communicate. How do you communicate when you are away from your loved ones? Sure, you might write them a nice note every now and then. But calling is so much easier. Then, there’s texting. Facebook. Skype. The list could go on and on…

As technology increases, you would think communication would become easier.

But it’s really not. If anything, I believe that effective communication is becoming MORE difficult.

Notice I said effective communication. I believe is a big difference between talking and communicating.

But if there is anything I have learned since being married, it’s that effective communication is essential to a healthy marriage.

Have you ever reached for your phone to check for new text messages as soon as you got in the car with your husband? I have.

Have you ever responded “mmhmm, yeah…” as your husband tried to tell you about his day? I have.

Now let me just get this out of the way: I'm not a technology hater. It's just that lately I've stepped back to think: If my husband is truly the most important person in the world to me (which he is), why would I not make time to communicate with him like I would with my best friend? Am I that selfish that I can’t just for two minutes set my phone aside, look directly at him and actually listen to what he is saying?

It’s time we make an intentional decision to communicate with our spouse. I propose the following:

(1)    Start by picking just one night of the week to have a no-technology evening. Turn your phone and computer off, and let your spouse know that you are making time for them. Don’t expect them to do the same thing. Just show that you are there, willing to spend time with them. They may not say anything, but I can guarantee this: they WILL notice the difference.

(2)    If your spouse is talking to you about something, set aside any distractions and look at them, listen, and say something relevant in response. If you can’t think of anything good to say, just tell your spouse that you love them. Believe me, they won’t get tired of hearing that. But don’t just tell them, show them…especially by doing the following.

(3)    Ask your spouse how you can be a better listener and communicator. Do this tonight! By humbly approaching them and asking how you are doing with this and what you can do better, you’ll show that you care about them enough to make a change in this area. Be prepared to respond with grace instead of arguing back if they tell you something that you can work on.

Above all, I believe that the key to effective communication in marriage is prayer. I could give a longer step-by-step plan, but the truth is, better communication in marriage begins with taking time to communicate with the Creator of marriage. Ask God to guide you as you become a better communicator. I’ll be praying for you, too!