How To Protect Your Marriage

Hey everyone!

I'm Emily, and I blog about real life, relationships, and faith over at Oh That Emily.  I'm so excited to share space with Emily (love the name) of Newlywed Moments!  She and her husband Hudson are such a beautiful couple!  More importantly, Emily is clearly a follower of Jesus in all aspects of her life, including her marriage... which is why I wanted to share with you today an all too important topic - building hedges around your marriage.

When you think about the word “hedge,” a few things may come to mind. 

You might think of a hedge fund.  Boring.

Or maybe hedge, in terms in linguistics.  Equally as boring.

Perhaps hedgehog comes to mind. 

…Okay, that’s just random.

No, none of these meanings are what I’m addressing today.  What I want to discuss is something that carries far more weight – and that’s the word “hedge” in terms of protecting your marriage.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we strive to protect a lot in our lives.  We actively create safeguards against home intruders with security systems and carefully hidden weaponry.  We build up savings to protect our finances and income in case of job loss or hardship.  And heck, if you’re smart, you might put up limitations on your Facebook to protect your privacy from unwanted individuals. 

But do you actively take measures to protect your marriage?  

The dictionary defines “hedge” as “a fence or boundary formed by a dense row of shrubs or low trees,” or “a means of protection or defense.” In both definitions, we understand that there are two sides, one of which is to be protected against the other.  A boundary is drawn to keep out potential invaders.  A protective shield is put up to defend something of value – be it a territory, a home, an item, or a person. 

I hope you understand where I’m going here.

It is absolutely crucial to build a hedge around your marriage!

The truth is that the world, and more specifically the enemy, wants to destroy your marriage.  Satan attacked the first marriage (Genesis 3:1-5), and yours is no different.  In an era where many of us spend more time with coworkers than our family, and where moral relativism takes a front seat in our culture, marriage is often looked at as something that should be regarded only when it’s convenient.  As a matter of fact, marriage, in its truest, most sacred form, is oftentimes looked on rather disdainfully by the mainstream.

This is why as married individuals, it is so very important to remain proactive in caring for your marriage.  No one thinks that they need to build hedges around their marriage… that is, until it’s too late.  Just ask a few friends.  You're sure to hear stories about marriages no one ever guessed would fall apart.  

See, when we let our guard down, even for an instance, we let in outside influences that have it out bad for our marriages.  It is imperative that we not trick ourselves into thinking it can never happen to us.

Just a complimentary word aimed in the wrong manner eventually becomes for the recipient a source of affirmation outside of his marriage.  Staying behind a couple more hours at work turns into a habit that keeps a man away from his family, leaving his relationship neglected and strained.  And what starts as a man's well-intentioned support to his female colleague's marital issues becomes a gaping crevice into which wandering thoughts can easily creep.

Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines.”

When I meditate on this scripture with the mindset of protecting my marriage, it takes on a weighty meaning.  The little foxes are the aforementioned little influences which have the potential to add up to big marital mistakes, or to "spoil the vine." 

Hopefully, you went into your marriage knowing that it would take hard work.  Building a hedge of protection around yourself and your spouse is no different.

Here are a few examples of what constitutes the hedge around my marriage:

My marriage is very public.  I make it known that I am happily married, bringing up my husband often in conversation.  I also am openly affectionate with him in all settings leaving no room for guessing.  

I always speak highly of my husband to others.  I will never let a complaint or negative remark escape my mouth.  My attitude toward my spouse will remain uplifting and encouraging.

We remain accountable in our communication.  Not only do the lines of communication within our relationship stay open, but we also make sure that any correspondence with members of the opposite sex has a third party - be it one another or another individual of interest.

I never allow myself to be caught alone with another male.  If I am put in a situation where I have to ride in the car or stay in a room alone with a member of the opposite sex, I try to find another person to join us.  I will also not attend a lunch meeting alone with another man in order to prevent the appearance of evil. 

I never share marital issues with a member of the opposite sex.  Not only do I abstain from sharing my own, but I will not counsel another male on any issues he may be experiencing within his marriage.

Praying for my husband is a daily habit.  A prayerless marriage is asking for failure.  I pray for my husband's success at work, for his struggles, and praise God for the victories in his life.

I will always redirect my attention toward my husband.  As humans, there will be times where we are attracted to others, even if just for a moment.  Because I am aware of this, I can combat it by directing my attention right back to my husband.

We try to go on date nights at least once or twice a month.  Oh, so important - and so easy to overlook with busy schedules such as our own.

I have placed these core practices in my life in order to help me protect my marriage - but none of us are perfect, and there are times where I struggle with some of these tenants.  

Your hedge of protection may look different depending on your walk in life and your experience as a couple. It is important for every one of us to cater our defenses to our needs as a husband and wife.

By reading this, I hope Christians and non-Christians are able to glean insight into their own marriages, as there is something to be learned for both.  

I pray God blesses your union with joy, happiness, and a bond that no man will ever separate! 

If you have the time, come stop by my blog at http://ohthatemily.com!

Love always,

Emily